i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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