elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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