Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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