Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Randomize
