I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
