Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
