I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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