you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
