She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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