Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
