goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
