Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
