instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
