It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
