Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she peed on how many people?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
