i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
