No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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