I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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