Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
