i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
