New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize