tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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