its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
