There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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