I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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