i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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