so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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