I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
