this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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