Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
