Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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