Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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