At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
