Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
