i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
