I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
