someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
