I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
