She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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