Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
