my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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