Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
