I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
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Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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