It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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