Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
nutella sex= disaster
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
