He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
