u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
