Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
