My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize