I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
