How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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