I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize