What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
