Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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