we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
