She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
