what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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