she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
