her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
