You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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