I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
