Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
