Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
