And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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