hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize