i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
