A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it's like iHOP with fire
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
