hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
