are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
