Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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