If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
