so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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