At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
