Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
