The maid of honor just puked.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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