Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize