Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize