he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
