Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
