i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
