I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
whose parrot is this?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
