Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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