Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
