I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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